The Mycenaean

“Yeah I definitely know a lot people who go off without a [lunch] pass,“ stated Mark Conrad, senior.

As shocking as it may sound, these are the words that come from many students who attend Leesville Road High School. Based on recent surveys conducted by the Leesville Mycenaean staff, the data shows that students illegally travel off campus for lunch on a daily basis.

In a stratified random sample survey, students were asked multiple questions regarding situations where kids sneaked off campus for lunch. The results were more than life-threatening.
Over 92 percent of the student population knew at least one student that went off campus for lunch without a lunch pass. Of those 92 percent, exactly 50 percent knew for sure that the student ate at Subway.

“I mean Subway is pretty good,” confessed Conrad. “I go there about 3.5 times a week, so I really can’t blame the kids.”

Students were also asked exactly how many people they knew that went off illegally. Although there was one outlier of 21 students, the data showed that each student on average knew about 3.3 people who had gone off without a pass.

After pondering the information, Conrad gave some insightful thoughts. “Well I guess on paper that doesn’t sound that bad, but if you think about it, that’s actually a lot of kids. Plus I’m pretty sure not all of them remembered everyone. Even I had trouble remembering exactly.”

Additionally, when students were asked if the they had ever directly taken somebody off illegally in their own car, the response came out to be that less than 10 percent said they fit into these cases.

The survey further questioned if the student had ever gone off illegally themselves. Although not all the participants responded, the results, however contradictory, show that zero percent of the surveyed students had gone off illegally in their high school career.

“Have I ever gone off without a pass? No, I don’t have the guts to do that,” responded Conrad. “Besides I have a legitimate pass.”

The Mycenaean staff decided to further investigate the situation. The most popular method of
sneaking off seemed to be to simply hide under the windows of the backseat. Administrators and George, the security guard, routinely check passes daily at the corner of the T-section outside the parking lot. The distance between the parking lot the corner is approximately 0.2 kilometers. Factoring in the average time for traffic and speed bumps, a student going off campus would have a little over 42.6 seconds to hide underneath the backdoor window. Multiple experiments were conducted and came to the conclusion that the average moving student only needs 5 seconds to effectively hide under the backdoor window.

Other mentioned methods of sneaking off included hiding in the trunk of someone’s car, going camo and blending in with the book bags, or using a colored cardboard piece of paper.

Mr. Gary Duval, an assistant principal at Leesville Road High School, normally checks for passes every day and was stunned by the results of the conducted survey, but explained that the school was taking extra precautions as of late.
　
“I do find it surprising that students will go off without obtaining a pass.  Just the other day, we found a spot where students got off of trunks.  We parked cars out in different locations and brought those students back to campus.”　
　
Bilo Hoese, a senior, felt disgraced to be attending Leesville upon hearing the news of students illegally going off for lunch.

“This is insanity. To know that I am at a school as corrupt as to ignore major problems like this is just too shameful. It‘s insane. I always knew this was a problem, though. It always seemed like nobody really gave an effort in checking passes except for George, and I respect him for that.”

Hoese feels that there are also too many safety hazards associated with sneaking off campus. “People could die in many ways doing this, and I’m not talking about anything peaceful. There could be traffic accidents or paper cuts, I don’t know, but usually without a seatbelt people die.”

Hoese admits that he did forget his lunch pass on one particular school day. “I didn’t know at first, but when I found out, I was devastated. Gosh, we were going to go to Subway that day, and I was really looking forward to it. But instead of sneaking off like those other criminals you talked about, I just stayed here and ate the cafeteria food. And you know how much I hate cafeteria food.”

The conclusions from the conducted survey certainly resulted in unexpected figures that showed how corrupt Leesville students really are. Hoese summed up these thoughts best in his own words.

“Honestly, I think it’s destroying the integrity of the school system. We are creating future criminals. If we allow our students to perform these acts of treachery now, who knows what kinds of scary things they’ll do in the future?”