The Mycenaean

I have a few choice words to describe the Republican Party—many are not appropriate for this column. However, as much as I hate to admit it, the GOP works.

When asked what party Comedian Will Rogers belonged to, he responded “I don’t belong to one, I’m a Democrat.”

I totally agree, Mr. Rogers. The Democratic Party is not organized–mainly because they are drowning in their own intelligence.

Let’s compare political efficiency to an Easy Bake Oven.

Have you ever tried to assemble an Easy Bake Oven? Even if you haven’t, the instructions are anything but easy and closely resemble Tolstoy’s War & Peace.

Here’s the thing—you can flip through the instructions in seven different languages, but when it comes down to it, you attach the big pieces to the little ones and get on with the program.

This is my issue with the Democratic Party. They create these ideas—beautiful and brilliant ideas but either over-inform or fail to inform the American people of exactly how their ideas work.

So not only do Democrats have too complex of an instruction manual, but sometimes, they have so many bells and whistles that they forget the instruction manual all together.

Now, if the Republican Party were to create a set of instructions, it would have clear and simple American instructions—bulleted with the patriotic glittering generalities that have always worked.

Republican strategy dates all the way back to the Middle Ages. Back in the day, kings  exercised their divine right to control the masses. They were appointed by God. If you disagreed with them, you disagreed with the guy upstairs too.

Today, we have media personalities like Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck. They, apparently, are also appointed by God.

They want the nation to know that God loves conservatives more, even if they didn’t do what Jesus would have done—you know, disgusting liberal things like sharing wealth with others and aiding the poor.

They preach to the nation that liberals are baby killers, godless, and hate America.

This is not to say that Democrats haven’t been efficient in combating the nay-sayers of the GOP before.

Take a look at the Clinton administration. Clinton and his team knew how to relate to dare I say—Joe the Plumber.

They realized that once the opposition fed assumption, or even lied to the American populous, it would become “fact” if they didn’t defend their decisions.

So, in an effort to fight the corruption of the innocent, they created a system called “Rapid Response.”

With “Rapid Response,” George Stephanopoulos addressed the nation every morning on Good Morning America to clarify any assumptions of the Clinton administration. It worked well, and President Obama could do well to follow by example.

Conservatives have turned the word liberal into a dirty word, which is to be expected. The sad thing, however, is that so many liberals have allowed the opponent to define who they are.

Liberals don’t even call themselves Liberals anymore. They’re progressives, they’re free-thinking, they’re less than moderate–they’re wimps.

The purpose of this column is to bring a spine back to the Democratic Party, because until we speak up, we don’t stand for anything.